


Little Talks

by AmalgamWriter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coma Diary, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmalgamWriter/pseuds/AmalgamWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pain Zayn feels is starting to show. At first, only Liam notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Talks

_**Little Talks** _

_**** _

People look at Zayn and they see what they want to see. They see this bad boy who is covered in tattoos and loves himself and his appearance more than anything. They call him things like Vain Zayn and the Bradford Bad Boy. He wishes they could see the real him, the him he hides away from prying eyes. 

There was a time, long ago, before the fame, before the music, before it all, when Zayn was happy. Back when his name was still Zain. When he laughed and joked around. Those days were long gone now.

The first time he got caught was a careless mistake. He’d gone outside for a smoke over 15 minutes ago. Liam had started to get worried. Zayn had seemed off when he went out. They had just finished one of the biggest concerts to date. There had been a small hiccup during Zayn’s solo but it was nothing worth writing home about. The other boys thought the show had been damn near perfect. Not Zayn though. 

When Liam finally found Zayn, he was shocked. He was hidden away in a secluded area near the pool. There wasn’t another soul anywhere near them. 

Zayn had his shirt pulled up, exposing taut abs and caramel colored flesh peppered with ink. He had a lit cigarette dangling between his fingers. He carefully pressed it into the expanse of flesh covering his hip bone. A smile danced across his lips as the smell of burning flesh filled his nostrils. He looked up at the sound of a sharp intake of breath. 

His milky eyes met those of this best friends. He saw the confusion there, the hurt. He knew Liam, knew he would take Zayn’s self harming personally. 

“I’m fine Li,” he whispered, letting his shirt fall back down to cover the fresh marks and hide the old. 

Liam looked doubtful. Burning yourself seemed like something someone who was far from fine would do to himself. Maybe he was wrong but he wanted to fix Zayn either way. 

“I promise. It’s nothing,” Zayn assured him. Liam still looked skeptical but let it slide. He kept a close eye on Zayn after that. For the first few weeks that is.

The next time Zayn got caught, he wasn’t surprised. He had wanted to get caught. Wanted someone to listen, to see.

Of course it was Liam who caught him again. Liam who loved and protected everyone. Liam who Zayn desired so fucking much it hurt but he couldn’t tell him. 

Zayn was sitting naked in the tub in the bathroom of the hotel room he and Liam were sharing. He had the razor blade pressed deep into his thigh. The blood was trickling down slowly. The drip loud in the silent room. The door wasn’t locked, he knew it wasn’t. Yet he made no effort to hide exactly was he was doing when he heard Liam coming to use the loo. 

Liam hadn't been paying attention, too busy focusing on the stupid Cut The Rope ™ game that he was currently obsessed with. When his eyes looked up from the little screen, it was like a deer caught in the headlights. Fear and realization came forth as the phone he'd been holding slipped through his now limp fingers, clattering loudly to the floor. The screen shattered, and Liam screamed. 

He rushed forward, cutting his foot a little as he stepped on the broken phone. He fell to his knees next to the tub, grabbing a tea towel and pressing it against the cut. He snatched the razor and threw it against the other wall, as far from them as he could. 

Liam's breath was coming in short, gasping struggles. His chest felt tight. Tighter than it had in a long time. The tears streaming down his face didn't matter, the blood covering his fingers didn't matter. All that matter was that Zayn wasn't opening his eyes. 

Finally, when Zayn did, it just killed Liam a little more. He'd never seen such pain in someones eyes. “I can't do this any more Li,” he whispered, eyes dull and lifeless. Things had been bad lately, the band under constant attack and scrutiny. 

“You can't leave me Zee. We need you...I...I need you.” The truth in Liam's words startled Zayn but then he reminded himself that Liam didn't need him in the same way that he needed Li. Liam needed him because they were friends. Zayn needed him because he was in love with him. 

After a while, Liam had managed to get Zayn cleaned up, fresh plasters covering the wounds as they curled together in one bed. The other would be left untouched come morning light. 

“Please...just tell me why,” Liam whispered, needing an answer. His eyes were soft and his fingers felt good in Zayn's hair, curling and soothing through the locks. 

Zayn sighed. He hadn't wanted to do this right now but he also knew Liam deserved an answer. As much of an answer as he could give him at least. “Because the physical pain detracts and distracts from the emotional, the mental. Did you see what they said about me Li? About my family? That we're terrorists?” His heart was pounding and he felt like he was going to have a panic attack. The only thing stopping it was Liam. His fingers, his whispered words, his tender kisses to the top of Zayn's head. He felt too safe in Liam's arms to panic. 

Liam forced Zayn to look at him, to meet his eyes. “Zayn Malik, you are an amazing person. You have a wonderful, kind family. Those people are bigoted fools. You deserve to be treated so much better. You are a part of this band, a part of this _family._ They don't know you, not like we do...not...not like...like I do Zayn.” 

They left it at that, cuddling and eventually drifting off after Liam begged Zayn to stop. Zayn agreed as much as he felt he could with everything going on. Sometimes the smoking wasn't enough of a stress relief. Sometimes he needed the burn or the blade. It made him feel weak and pathetic after but in those moments, he was in complete control of his body and his life. 

The third time he was caught, was the last. Liam. It was always Liam. The others knew now, knew of what he'd done. He hadn't been actively caught but Niall had seen the scars one afternoon when they were horsing around. Nothing was really said other than that the boys still loved and supported him. Harry showed him the scars his bracelets held and that was that. They bonded and made a pact to always take care of each other. 

A few days later he and Perrie 'broke up'. It hurt. Despite it being a fake relationship for publicity, it still hurt like fuck. He was accused of cheating and breaking her heart when really, she'd just found someone she really did love and want to be with. They were still best friends but the tabloids were taking it far. 

Carefully, he took the pills, swallowing them down with a swig of tequila. It burned going down in all the best ways. With an empty prescription bottle in one hand and the bottle of Jose Cuervo in the other, he laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. 

He didn't hear Liam come in, didn't hear the panicked screaming, the frantic 911 call. He didn't feel Liam rolling him on his side and sticking his fingers down his throat to force him to throw up. He was too far gone. Slipping under the surface to that blissful nothingness. 

Day 1: 

Liam wouldn't leave his bedside. He refused. His best friend was in a coma after attempting suicide. There was no way he was moving. He just glared at anyone who tried to make him. 

Day 2: With much coaxing, Niall got Liam to at least take a shower and attempt to eat something. All the upcoming shows were canceled indefinitely. Liam didn't care what the fans thought. He couldn't loose Zayn and that was more important than some bloody fucking concert. 

Day 4: Zayn stirred. Almost waking up for a moment before slumping back into the nothingness. 

Day 7: The doctors are growing ever more concerned that he isn't waking up. He only seems to be responding to stimuli coming from Liam, who's camped out in his hospital room. Literally camped. He's got a tent and everything. 

Day 12: Liam reaches his breaking point, sobbing and hitting Zayn's comatose body over and over again. 

Day 14: Zayn's heart stopped for a few moments. Liam has started sleeping in Zayn's bed with him. The nurses don't say anything. Money is power and Liam has money to spare. 

Day 17: There was stirring in the Malik camp. The other three have started sleeping in Liam's unused tent. Soon. Liam can feel it in his bones. 

Day 18: Zayn is awake. Liam confessed his feelings. 

Day 23: Zayn and Liam go home. **Together.**


End file.
